Title: Starting Over
Author: Joolz
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Genre: Slash, H/C, Angst, First Time
Rating: gentle NC-17
Pairing: Jack/Ten
Word Count: 11,000
Notes: This was written for the ![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
undermistletoe challenge. The prompt was to choose Hurt/Comfort or AU. The story has plenty of H/C, and is AU in that nothing like this is going to happen in canon – I only wish.
Thanks to ladyra , riverain , and runriggers for valiant beta services. No British beta, so all errors in that area are mine. Actually, all errors are mine, period.
Series/Spoilers: Set after Series 1 of Torchwood and after Series 3 of Doctor Who. Heavy references to canon events, most explicitly for Doctor Who.
Summary: Jack and the Doctor want to start over, but it’s almost over before it even starts.
Disclaimer: Not my lovely characters, just playing with them.
Warnings: None, other than what usually goes with the genre.
Link to story in one file on my websiteAnd on live journal:
+++++++++++++
At his desk Owen snorted. “We should have let the bloody thing eat that wanker. At least then they would’ve had a real excuse for losing. Again.”
“I’ll go,” Jack said, emerging from his office. “No reason we all have to be there for the, ‘No, sorry, we can’t arrange the Rift’s schedule to spit out aliens only when convenient,’ speech.”
“Fine with me,” Gwen replied. “Personally I’d rather deal with a giant stomach on legs than a politician.”
Gwen knew Jack was restless, and the August heat just made it worse. It would do him good to get out.
The weather did help Gwen’s morale a bit, though. It was too hot for Jack’s usual layers of clothing, so he was wearing black jeans and a black short-sleeved shirt that showed off his muscular chest and arms. Now that was hot! She took a moment to enjoy watching him fit an earpiece in place and have a word with Ianto before leaving.
When Jack had disappeared up the invisible elevator to the Plass, Gwen turned back to the case report she was typing. Barely a minute later, Tosh said, “Hmm. You should see this.”
Curious, all three of the remaining team members made their way over to Tosh’s work station, where she was observing a CCTV monitor. Gwen wondered if it was another dangerous alien so soon after the last.
In a way it was.
They could see Jack standing near a column in the plaza talking to a man in a narrow pin-striped suit, who looked harmless enough, except…
“It’s the Doctor,” Ianto said seriously.
Yeah, the Doctor. The one Jack had been mooning over for as long as Gwen had known him. The one that seemed to do nothing but break Jack’s heart. She wished they could hear what the men were saying.
+++++++++
A dark figure stepped out from behind a pillar and said, “Hello, Captain.”
Jack shifted so the glare was out of his eyes, and the figure clarified into a slim man with a sharply pointed face, an artfully mussed shock of hair and scruffy trainers.
Even as he stood stock still, adrenalin surged through Jack’s body. The Doctor had come to him? That was a first.
“Doctor,” he said, stunned. “This is a surprise.”
“A pleasant one, I hope. How are you, Jack?”
“Good,” he answered automatically. “Fine. I’m fine.” He admonished himself to get it together, or at least not look as unnerved as he felt. He pursed his lips appreciatively. “You’re looking fine yourself. How long have you been away?”
For Jack it had been several months, but for the Doctor it could have been minutes or centuries.
The Doctor answered, “A few years by my time. Hardly noticed.”
Yeah, that sounded like the Doctor. It was out of sight, out of mind with him.
He peered around the Doctor’s shoulder and out of the corner of his eye caught sight of the blue police box. The perception filter was engaged, but with little effort Jack could pinpoint its exact location.
“So who do you have with you now?” he asked. “Are your companions tucked away in there, or did you already send them out for chips? Are they cute?”
The Doctor cocked his head and made a long face. “Oh it’s just me by my little old self. Haven’t had a companion since Martha, really. Ferried the odd straggler about now and then. Nothing serious.”
You’re travelling by yourself?” Jack asked incredulously.
“Yeah. And don’t go making it out to be some depressive, martyr-ish tantrum.”
Jack chuffed and interjected, “You said it, I didn’t.”
The Doctor ignored him and ploughed on obliviously. “In fact, I’ve often gone without a companion for years at a time. Humans come and go so quickly, can’t always be breaking in a new one.”
Jack’s gaze hardened and the Doctor tried again, dropping his defences enough to admit sadly, “When they go they break my hearts. They disappear and I never see them again. Poof.” He illustrated with hand motions. “Sometimes I need time to pick up the pieces, but it’s not a problem.”
Actually, Jack kind of knew what he meant. It was hard to remain engaged through an endless cycle of loving and losing. He said, “Okay, so you’re travelling alone and blissfully happy with it. What brings you to
The Doctor brightened and clapped his hands together. “Well! There’s a job that needs doing, and I can’t quite manage on my own. Need you to come along and give me a hand. Just one teensy weensy little job. I can tell you all about it, but you know the sort of thing I get up to.”
Jack smiled playfully. “Averting the apocalypse, saving the universe, that type of thing.”
“Exactly!” the Doctor crowed.
“And you want me to drop what I’m doing and go off with you, just like that?”
“Why not? Think about it, Jack,” he cajoled. “Travelling through time and space in the Tardis. Adventure around every corner. Anywhere you want to go. Any when. You name it, the universe is your oyster.”
Jack folded his arms over his chest, feeling irritated. “Oh, I have thought about it.” More than he cared to admit. “You make it sound like it’s all fun and games, but my experience travelling in your company wasn’t entirely pleasant. Let’s see, first I was exterminated by Daleks while trying to protect you. Now, I did that gladly, Doctor, but I can tell you, it definitely ruins your day. Then I’m suddenly alive again with no idea why. Then you abandon me on a space station full of people who died under my leadership. And then there was the Master. You remember him, right? You do recall the fun we all had that year on the Valiant?”
The Doctor looked away. As cocksure as he was, even he couldn’t argue with Jack about that. Jack hoped he wouldn’t be dismissive, because then he might have to punch him, and that really wasn’t how he wanted this to go.
The Doctor acknowledged what he’d said, “Granted. You have a point,” but then moved on. “But it wasn’t all bad, was it? We had some laughs, too, yeah?” The Doctor gave Jack the big, pleading eyes.
Charmed, as usual, Jack had to admit, “No, it wasn’t all bad. I loved travelling in the Tardis. I loved Rose and Martha.” He didn’t say, ‘I loved you’, but he could tell that the Doctor saw it in his face.
The Time Lord puffed up his chest, “That’s it, let’s focus on the good things, shall we? Besides, the Tardis misses you.”
“She does, does she? She’s not going to try to shake me off again, then?” And yeah, he meant there to be a double meaning with that.
“Oh, well,” the Doctor drawled. “She never really did.”
Jack raised his eyebrows. “That’s not what you said.”
“She did some shaking, but it wasn’t personal. Would’ve done with anyone clinging to the outside like a limpet. Just, given your special nature it might have been a little worse. And by the way, did I ever mention how monumentally stupid that was? Through the Vortex on the outside of a Tardis. Have you got a death wish, or what?” The Doctor’s eyes sparkled at the dubious humour of his joke.
“I needed a vacation,” Jack quipped, with a leer. “Caught the first bus that passed.”
They grinned at each other.
Their eyes met and held, and the Doctor asked, “How about we start again, Captain? Start all over.”
“Yeah, we can do that,” Jack agreed. It wasn’t quite that easy, though. “But we can’t start over in the same place as before. I’ve lived a hundred and forty years since then. I’m not a con-man any more; I’ve made myself over into someone I think you can be proud of. And I’m still responsible for my team and for stopping whatever comes through the Rift, that hasn’t changed in the last few months.
“Don’t even think about telling me my team isn’t important, Doctor,” he went on adamantly, forestalling any objections, “or that what I’m doing with Torchwood isn’t important. You know that no Earth native of this time has the experience to deal with what’s coming. I do a fair amount of universe saving myself.”
The Doctor looked a little nauseous. “Yeah, Jack Harkness, Defender of the Earth. It’s a noble profession, one that some of my favourite people have adopted. The irony is killing me.”
Jack didn’t know exactly to what he was referring, and returned to his argument. “And when we first met, you didn’t look at me and think, wrong. I know you said you ‘don’t mind’,” he made air quotes with his fingers, “but I don’t like having to wonder what you see when you look at me.”
The Doctor gazed up at the sky, clearly trying to decide how to respond to that. He then addressed Jack solemnly.
“There are no timelines around you, Jack. There’s no glimpse of past or future, no flashes of potential. Only you, eternally frozen in the moment. When I look at you, I see a dead blank gap in the middle of a swirl of life and motion.”
Hearing the Doctor talk about him that way always made Jack’s stomach hurt, and this time was no exception.
The serious expression dropped off the Doctor’s face from one moment to the next, and his voice brightened. “Not that that’s a bad thing, mind you. Kind of restful, actually. Just took some getting used to. A man gets accustomed to how he’s always seen things. Something comes along that turns that on end, and it seems wrong at first, doesn’t it? Doesn’t mean he can’t learn to appreciate a little diversity.”
That was a little better. Jack smirked, “So you appreciate me now, do you?”
“Yeah,” the Doctor said, and took a deep breath. “Yeah, I do.”
“Do you trust me to do a good job with what’s left of Torchwood? Will you come inside and see what we’re doing? Meet my team?”
The Doctor definitely didn’t look thrilled, but he said, “All right, I can do that. Since you ask so nicely.” Then he grimaced. “So you like this team of yours? Are they really that wonderful? Perfect little minions.”
Jack had to laugh out loud at that. “I certainly wouldn’t describe them that way. They’re so far from perfect it’s painful, literally. But they’re mine. And I’m not exactly perfect either.”
He sobered quickly, feeling the ever-present ghosts crowding around his back. “I’ve done some things.” Jack held the Doctor’s eyes, willing him to understand. “I’ve made life and death decisions that I can’t know for sure were right. People have died.”
The Doctor’s expression softened, and in a moment of uncharacteristic demonstrativeness, he reached out to touch Jack’s cheek.
Jack smiled weakly. “Yeah, I guess if anyone does, it’s you.” He wondered how different the Doctor’s decisions would have been if he had been in Jack’s place. If the Doctor would have found solutions where Jack couldn’t.
Shaking his head as if to dispel the dark mood, the Doctor exclaimed, “Right, then. Shall we go see this beehive of heroic activity?”
They fell into step beside each other walking back the way Jack had come. His emotions were mixed. Of course he was excited to see the Doctor, and he looked forward to showing him the cool stuff Torchwood had - only the fun things, like the pterodactyl and the universal lock opener, not the creepy ones. The Doctor was like a child at Christmas when presented with new toys.
On the other hand, he had no idea which way it would go when his team and the Doctor met face to face. He really hoped his people would make an attempt at good behaviour and not embarrass him too much.
As they approached the fountain, a man appeared around the corner at a run. He came straight at them, and Jack realized he had some kind of modified gun in his hand. He put an arm out across the Doctor’s chest to stop him, and reached for the revolver - that wasn’t attached to his belt where it should be.
The man started shouting before he came to a stop in front of them. “It’s your fault! You destroyed the greatest person who ever lived! You’re utterly evil!” He was looking at the Doctor. Jack recognized the man from somewhere, and while it didn’t come to him immediately, a chill ran up his spine.
The man shouted, “I knew you would show up here, and then I would make you pay!”
Jack didn’t hesitate. He stepped between the crazy man and the Doctor, just as the gun fired.
+++++++
The sharp cracking sound of the gunshot reverberated off the cement of the plaza, and Jack slammed back into the Doctor, who caught him around the chest. He sank under Jack’s weight and they ended up on the ground, the Doctor holding Jack in his arms. The Doctor could see a hole in his friend’s chest, with blood making the black shirt shine wetly.
Jack grabbed the Doctor’s arm with a grip that would break the bones of a normal human. He tipped his head back and stared up at the Doctor, eyes wild and gasping for breath.
“Doctor!” he croaked hoarsely. “Oh, god! This is different. Damn!”
He had seen Jack die. He’d seen it more times than he could count, and in more different ways than he cared to remember. But he’d never seen this look in Jack’s eyes before. It was more than fear or pain. It was as though his soul was being ripped from his body. “You’ll be all right, Captain,” he said calmingly, though he was actually becoming alarmed.
Meanwhile, the Doctor was aware that their assailant was still standing there shouting and waving the gun. “No! This isn’t the plan! It was supposed to be you first, and him later. The monster and then the freak! It’s what He would have wanted.” With an incoherent yell, he pointed the gun at the Doctor and pulled the trigger again and again. Fortuitously, it seemed that there was only the one bullet, but the man couldn’t contain his frustration.
Suddenly a small woman with dark hair tackled the man to the ground and had his hands restrained behind his back within a few moments. The Doctor recognized her as Jack’s friend Gwen.
Just as three more people crowded around them on their knees, Jack’s face contorted with agony and he groaned deeply. He gasped, “Doctor,” then stopped breathing.
The Doctor had the strangest feeling, one that went beyond seeing someone he cared for hurt. It was as if a vacuum-sealed vessel had imploded, collapsing in on itself and popping out of existence. It took the breath out of his lungs. Just as quickly, the strange, neutral space that had been so evident around Jack was gone. That had never happened when he had died before.
“Oh, no,” he said.
One of the men who had joined them, the one the Doctor knew was a medical doctor, put his hand on Jack’s face and closed his staring eyes. “That part freaks me out,” he said wryly, as though the rest was the most normal thing in the world. Then he ordered, “Ianto, get this bastard to a holding cell.”
The younger man, clearly scared but angry, pulled the still raging gunman to his feet and dragged him toward the Millennium Centre.
The Doctor felt a sensation that was like having a fishing hook embedded in his gut, with someone trying to pull it straight out. The feeling was pouring into him from Jack.
He quickly laid Jack down on the pavement and scooted back a few inches.
“You,” he said to the doctor, Owen. “Get the bullet out of him.”
“Relax,” the other man replied. “It’s not as bad as you think.”
“No,” he countered. “It’s much worse than you think. Get it out!”
“You don’t understand,” said the soft-spoken Asian woman, Toshiko. “He’ll be all right.”
“I understand better than you lot, and he’s not all right! Do as I say,” the Doctor shouted. “Get it out now! I don’t care if you have to go in with your bare hands, do it!”
“Owen,” Gwen said worriedly. “Maybe you’d better do as he says.”
Owen shrugged. “All right, then. Don’t get your knickers in a twist.”
He pulled a small leather case from his back pocket and took out a pair of tweezers and a small pick – a lock pick, the Doctor surmised. Bending over Jack’s supine form, he dug into the bloody hole in his chest with the tools, poked around, and removed a small projectile.
Owen held it up triumphantly, and as it was exposed to the air the Doctor felt a wave of nausea. Ignoring the discomfort, he turned his attention back to Jack. Watching closely, he saw no flicker of returning life inside him. He focused his psychic ability and connected to Jack. Brain activity was slowing and fading, as it would in a normal person’s permanent death.
“Oh, no, no, no, Jack. Do not do this,” he murmured.
“Look,” Gwen said to him, “we know you’re the Doctor, and that you’re important to Jack. I would have thought you knew about him, how he’s unusual.”
“That he can’t die, yes of course I know,” he snapped back. “But this is different. He’s not going to wake up from this.”
The three looked at each other in confusion.
Annoyed, Owen asked, “What are you on about?”
“He’ll be all right,” Gwen insisted. “After Abaddon, it was days. He still came back.” Nevertheless, she found Jack’s hand and squeezed it.
The Doctor would have glared at her if he hadn’t been so distracted. He’d once thought Jack was wrong, but this was worse. Now there really was nothing there. No spark of the Vortex, no buzzing in the Doctor’s head, no push/pull of attraction to and repulsion from the fact of him. Because it was no longer there. His stomach roiled with fear for Jack.
The Doctor ignored the insect-like drone of their voices. There wasn’t time to waste explaining things. He had to make one of those decisions Jack was talking about, the life and death ones, where he didn’t know what was right. He didn’t even know what Jack would want. This was his chance to die. Would he choose to live, or not?
The Doctor knew what he wanted. Those few minutes talking to Jack had made him feel more alive than he had in a long time. Jack made him feel hopeful, like maybe there was something to look forward to other than years of loneliness. He didn’t want to give that up.
But that was selfish. Did he have the right to do what he was contemplating?
In the end the Doctor did what he usually did, went with his gut.
Ianto returned and peered over Owen’s shoulder. “We should get him inside before the police come,” he said practically.
“No,” the Doctor countered. “We’ll take him to the Tardis.”
“The what?” Toshiko asked.
“My ship. Looks like a blue police box. Down that way,” he motioned with his head.
The others all looked, with varying degrees of scepticism and consternation. One by one their faces cleared into surprise or amazement.
“A perception filter,” Toshiko said. “Very nice!”
The Doctor started to pick Jack up under the shoulders to drag him there himself if necessary, but Ianto moved him out of the way. “We’ll carry him, sir,” he said. Ianto and Owen lifted Jack and followed the Doctor across the Plass, the women staying close.
When they entered the Tardis, the Doctor ignored the ubiquitous ‘It’s bigger on the inside’ comments, and motioned for them to hurry. “Put him here, come on.”
They lay him down on the metal mesh flooring near the centre of the room. Then the Doctor turned his attention to the task at hand.
+++++++
Gwen had never seen anything like it. That shouldn’t be a surprise, it being an alien ship and all, but she was with Torchwood. She knew Jack had experience with this kind of thing and more, but he never made her feel like a stupid, backwater-of-the-universe Earthling. This place did, though. It was so very alien.
Jack was pale and still. She had seen him that way before, but the Doctor was clearly worried, and that worried her.
“What now?” Ianto asked.
But the Doctor apparently didn’t think it necessary to answer. He had thrown himself across the podium next to Jack, which looked sort of like a giant
“You can help him, I know you can. You can make him like he was – when it happened before, it was really you, just directed through Rose. You can do this on your own. Please do this for me.”
He began stroking the pedestal as he talked, and Gwen thought that maybe he was addressing it. Which was just super. The Doctor had obviously gone mad.
“I know you love Jack, too.” The mad Doctor continued to croon to the odd object. “I’ve never asked you anything like this before, but I’m not ready to lose him. Not yet. Please, my friend. You can see how much this means to me. It’s just fixing something that’s broken. How often has Jack helped to fix you? He’s saved your life! You owe him. I owe him. Please my beautiful girl, please do this for me.”
Gwen glanced at her team mates, who all looked equally shocked and confused. She honestly had no idea what they should do.
The Doctor looked desperate, as though he was going to cry. He stopped talking and spread his arms across the panel, embracing it. His face was pinched like he was concentrating at it.
The section upon which he was leaning shifted upward a bit, and the Doctor jumped away. He began shouting, “Get back! Get behind the console, and don’t look directly at it.”
Which was practically an invitation for the rest of them to stay right were they were and look as hard as possible.
Incensed, the Doctor bellowed, “Don’t be stupid! Do what I tell you. Jack would kill me if I let you all die!”
That did sound serious, and Gwen scrambled to obey. Her questions could wait.
As the team moved around behind the Doctor, the hatch, which was what it evidently was, continued to open until it reached about ten centimetres. Golden glowing light flowed out of the opening and washed over Jack’s body in tendrils, like tongues of flame. A roaring noise and sourceless wind whipped through the air. After a moment, Gwen could see light shining out of Jack’s eye sockets and mouth. The tendrils of light grew, twisting into the air above Jack.
“Not too much,” the Doctor directed. “Only just enough. You’re so clever, my girl. You can do it.”
Slowly, the light show around her friend and boss receded back into the hatch, which closed with a clang.
There was silence, and the Doctor stepped forward, staring at Jack with frightening intensity. “Come on, come on,” he urged determinedly.
Gwen realized that her back was pressed against a wall and that she had been holding her breath. At the same moment she remembered how to inhale, Jack’s chest rose as he gasped back to life.
Jack moaned and twisted like he was trying to turn over. Gwen hurried toward him, but Owen and the Doctor got there first. They helped him shift onto his side, facing Owen with the Doctor at his back. Jack curled himself forward, clutching his stomach and chest. He groaned like he was in excruciating agony, then went limp, but he was clearly still breathing.
The Doctor, one hand on Jack’s hip, slumped forward, looking exhausted and relieved. He whispered, “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” to himself.
Owen checked Jack’s pulse, respiration and pupil response, and put his hand on Jack’s forehead to check his temperature. “He’s all right,” he reported, then stood up.
When the Doctor straightened up again, Gwen demanded, “Okay, what just happened here?”
“I should think that was obvious,” the Doctor answered impatiently. “Jack was dead and now he isn’t.”
“But Jack can’t die. That’s been established.”
“Apparently, that isn’t entirely accurate,” the Doctor countered with a superior attitude. “He really was dead this time.”
“Why?” Gwen asked. “How?”
Looking slightly humbler, the Doctor scratched his head and admitted, “I don’t actually know. Whatever that man shot him with killed him.”
Gwen shook her head and insisted, “Well you obviously know more than we do, so you had better tell us.”
“Oh, and why is that?” the Doctor challenged.
“Because,” she explained, though this should be obvious, “we can’t protect him if we don’t know what is a danger to him.”
“Oh, you’re going to protect him, are you? I haven’t noticed you lot looking after Jack very well up till now.”
Tosh asked, appalled, “You’ve been watching us?”
“Off and on, yeah. I can’t say that I’m very impressed with what I’ve seen, either. But for some reason Jack feels tremendous loyalty to you, whether you deserve it or not.”
Owen shrugged. “Just means we’ve gotta try harder, is all.” He pulled a gun from his holster and brandished it. “Look, you can tell us what you know or I can shoot you and we’ll take Jack back to Torchwood and look after him on our own. What’ll it be?”
The Doctor raised his eyebrows. “Oi, not much of a doctor are you, going around threatening to shoot people.”
Owen’s lip curled in a snarl. “I have my priorities, mate, and you ain’t one of ‘em.”
The Doctor glared. “You try to take Jack out of here and you will regret it. You have my word on that.”
Gwen didn’t like how possessive he sounded. She hoped he wasn’t planning on keeping Jack permanently. She really hoped that Jack wasn’t planning on keeping the Doctor.
“Really,” Tosh said. “Tell us why we should trust you. You’re an alien, aren’t you? The infamous Doctor.”
Gwen chuckled. “Bit of a pretentious title, isn’t it.”
“It’s not a title, it’s the name of my race, which was the oldest and most advanced race in the universe.”
“Was? Where are the rest of you?” Owen asked.
“They’re gone.” The Doctor seemed to be getting more and more angry. “All of them. Died saving the universe so that you could go on living your oblivious little lives, watching telly and popping round to the pub for a pint. Hardly seems a fair trade if you ask me.”
“If we’re such a sad, pitiful race,” Owen challenged, “why do you care about Jack?”
“Jack’s a special case.”
“Is he human?” Ianto asked suddenly. Startled, everyone turned to stare at him. “I mean, is he actually a human, or is he an alien?”
Owen smirked. “You would have more reason than most to know if all his bits work like they should.”
Ianto didn’t react. He continued, “Because he never answers a direct question about where he’s from.” He addressed the Doctor. “Is Jack human, or is he another race like you, that only looks that way?”
The Doctor regarded the young man warily. “I’ll tell you that yes, he is human, or was. Anything else you want to know, ask him.”
Gwen tried to bring them back to her original question. “But what happened here?”
They all jumped at the sound of a familiar voice. Jack asked weakly, “What are you arguing about?”
++++++
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
From:
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From:
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Yes, there may be more in this universe. I figure after going to all that trouble to get them together, I ought to take advantage of it!
Thanks again.
From:
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You definitely should take advantage of it! Please? You'll quickly learn that I'm not too proud to beg.